thoughts on coddling and compassion

So, I've been thinking lately about boundaries and compassiona and coddling. Now, for background, I am rather good at coddling. I am compassionate to a fault. I must stop myself from doing for others what they can do for themselves. This, for me, is a learned skill. As I get older, it becomes easier...I have less energy I am willing to devote to someone else's work. This is good all round. I have a mentoree who needs to be spoken to plain. He needs words unmixed with euphemism. These confuse and he runs off at a tangent and gets lost in the surrounding forest. It's not about the forest. He CAN see how his own behaviour works. He just gets tired when he realizes that he is the one who needs to do the work to change the things that keep him up at night and cranky in the day. I had a day, today when it was necessary to say many things in plain language. Being me, I try to find the kindest way to say them. There is no point in using the truth to wound people who are already bleeding. But, sometimes the method by which the wound can be healed is as painful as living with the infected wound. I know that. But, once the wound is treated, it can begin to heal. Look at the painful shit. Face it head on. He is trying. I am trying to hold my boundaries. I have a life that does not include him. I have practise that does not include him. (Although we share a coven.) It is not good if his pain bleeds into every part of my life. He asked me today, *How do I separate from people I know are sick and still keep the relationship?* Well, that's a good question. It takes a lot of work and on occasion talk and tears. Especially if that person is a room mate. And it may be that you need to make plans to move on. The relationship may be so sick that it is not a keeper. I've had a few of those myself. They are hard to stay in and hard to get out of. Getting out, I always wonder what got me started in the first place and what need kept me there until the sickness hit me like a brick? I have boundaries today that keep me in a place where I can set the limits for my life. No one will set them for me. I am the only one in charge of my self care. If I do the things that keep me healthy and sane I'll be on no use to anyone else. Or myself. I'm feeling okay with the things I said to him today. They were not easy but they were true. They were hard truths, but he asked the questions and as his mentor, I felt that speaking the plain truth so that it could be looked at was the best thing. He's been dancing around these issues for a long time. Months. If no one calls it what it is...it is called denial. Let's be honest. Let's look at this for what it really is. Then you can decide if you want to lance it and get the pus out or live with the infection. It was a hard day. I am emotionally exhausted. I was physically exhausted but I took a nap. That helped. Apparently, sleep helps us process difficult things. Stagnation or blindness can keep us awake. A deliberate ply by our subconscious to not see, not process, something we find scary? I'm just thinking, is all.